I’m not sad or anything. I just want company. I miss God, but why doesn’t he come? I miss Him so much that I imagine myself buried in His Holy Spirit. I feel like I’m in a dark room; can’t see anything; can’t feel anything; can’t sense anything.
I was blinded by the darkness—and the eagerness to get out shouted at me. I knew I have to run and escape this silence but I’m deaf, deaf by the quite rhythm in this empty room. I was blinded by everything. I was defeated by the crowd in this pit. But I came here not to be like this.
I opened my eyes bewildered, amazed, touched, and then I was travelling through vast colours, away from that dark place and slowly falling—no, flying up, speeding, lifting with infinite gladness and life. And you said, “Breath”, and I did. The person I miss just talked to me.
You showed me everything I had in the past, things I didn’t use and things I used in every right and wrong situations. You showed me everything I have in the present; You looked at me and said, “With me, you don’t need anything else.” I know inside my mind, inside my heart, inside all my blood vessel and my nerves, my eyes are filling with tears I can’t control. I’m pushed, like I’m born again. I see you, and you do nothing but make me feel wondrous. I’m calmed with tears.
Now, I understand that the blessings I have right now, like my tears, flowing and running and rolling down at me. So I must write about them; to testify. I write about You, about my Saviour. You pulled me out of what seems like, locked-deserted room, deserted house. I don’t know how You changed everything but You did it anyway, so effortless.
I know I felt heaven but heaven is much more than every inch of happiness I’ve felt just now. As I run, free from deafness and blindness, I feel life. Once again, like You have given me a gift on my birthday, I opened Your present and found life inside. I breathe it, hugged it and sop in me. Never again will I stay in the dark. I want light, life, love. I miss You, God. I pray that I will always stay beside You. And whenever I receive every basic thing I need, I know well that it’s because You’re there.
You’re there, and here, and everywhere, so I won’t ever be in the pit of darkness anymore, forever.
I closed my eyes, fell asleep, and faith has found a home in me.
-AS is back.