I’ve been experiencing a spiritual change this month. Things that make me happy are not the same anymore. I rarely go outside our house to meet friends, rarely talk to strangers, and set aside my personal interests.
If you’re going to ask me months ago, what is happy for me?
Happy– is spending time with friends even in the late hours,
— is getting a perfect present during Christmas,
— is eating foods I crave,
— is getting away from all my cousins and finding myself alone in the corner ’cause I’m on the phone,
— is sleeping when it’s New Year,
— is buying precious girl-kit
— is hiding my emotions from my parents and keeping it to myself, ’cause that’s much better,
— is spending money to nothing.
I know my life months ago are all about THINGS that bring me to nowhere… away from the people who truly love me. I change a lot after seeing my family slowly falling apart. I started loving them, as they are, and as what the situation is. And I prayed and prayed. I think of them a lot. About my Mom, who let people fool her, about my Pops, who is always under control from his older powerful sister; I think about my sister, who has a crazy mind over education and career, but never get the peace in her mind when our parents quarrel; I think about my brother, always blue, sick from the crowd, he’s the sensitive type of person, and we never had a confidential talk. I think about Fionnah, how I hated her for coming into our lives, but love her deeply as she’s an angel from God, sent for our cold, cold family.
I never thought about things like this before, and I so wanted to ask myself why I kept on running away from them when they needed comfort. So I, get back.
I talked to them. Laughed with them. And then I got a bond that I have felt years and years ago, when I was young. When my family was still polished with love. I have accepted the fact years now that my parents will either get a chance again or just live life individually. All of us were hurt, but that’s life.
What I was looking for, and missing in life, is them all along. They were there, and I was standing in the middle doing nothing, finally now I got the courage to face what we thought was long gone in the past [it was alive in our hearts]. I can’t image my life before, getting away from a blessed family.
Now, I’m happy and contented to spend my entire day inside the house with my family [and the rest of the kin]. I prioritized them in my life. I value my time with them more than the time I spent with other people or other activities I have/had. And I LOVE them more than myself.
This is what keeping me busy the past few days/weeks. Even if I forget my books, it’ll be alright, time with your family is far better than time with your books~